21/07/2003Dating the Dutch
If some of the posts to Expatica's discussion forum are anything to go by, dating the Dutch should carry a health warning, writes Cormac Mac Ruairi.
Pages of posts in Expatica's discussion forums brand Dutch women as rude and aloof. It would seem they wouldn't even nudge a foreign Casanova with a barge poll.
The problem with Dutch women…
Dutch lassies are described as big bummed, hard-nosed, masculine, looks- and money-orientated specimens. They go out in mass and avoid one-on-one dates like the plague.
Some would-be lovers bitterly lament:
"If she's Dutch you don't stand a chance unless you look like a model — a good looking Dutch girl will not go out with anybody who she considers below her looks-wise," says one correspondent.
"…Dutch women here are rude, arrogant and unfriendly. They do not wish to communicate with people outside their own circle of friends. They have this idea that they are among 'the most beautiful women upon earth," according to another.
The problems don't end even when you manage to break down their initial barriers. "It isn't uncommon for a Dutch woman in a night-club to let things get really hot before mentioning casually that she has a steady boyfriend," according to a guy 'who's been there'.
On the other hand, forget to make a big fuss about their birthday and you've dug your own grave. "Dutch women tend to be obsessive about remembering birthdays," a happily married Englishman noted ruefully.
They are always right about every subject and, unusually for the Netherlands, discussion is not an option. "We were planning to have a civil wedding and I was waiting for the right moment to tell my very Catholic mother. Instead, my partner announced to my parents that the ceremony would be performed by a Sufi master. There was a real cold war for a while but we ended up getting married in church and my partner wrote the ceremony herself," says an Irish expat.
But what about the men?
Dutch men seem more prepared to date foreigners, so they must be a good match for expats, right?
Not necessarily so, say about 50-percent of the ladies who spoke to Expatica. Dutch men tend to be boring, unimaginative and have an aversion to making 'real' contact.
The only thing they have really taken to heart is 'going Dutch', warns a New Zealander. So ladies, when he asks you out to dinner, don't forget your wallet. And don't expect him to hold doors open for you either.
If that is not enough, there is a post on the Expatica site about the guy who asked his dating partner for her friend's number. Another one tells how a guy who "forgot" about his significant other when she went on holiday to the UK. He was too busy painting the house.
Expat dating can’t be all bad, could it?
However, not all expats accept this rather unflattering view of their trysts with the Dutch. The women at least are, according to numerous well-placed sources, great lovers and kind souls to boot.
Are we too sensitive? "You have to bear in mind that there are cultural differences and misunderstanding can easily arise when dating someone new. You have to have a relaxed attitude and don't expect her to act exactly like the girls back home," says an American philosopher.
But wait a minute. If the problem comes down to a culture clash, our Expatica 'brothers and sisters' in France, Germany and Belgium must be suffering horribly too.
Wrong again, it would seem. The relationship sections of their discussion forums are largely silent about any problems with the local talent. In fact, the amount of posting looks quite meagre compared to the Dutch site.
The Belgium expats, for instance, know exactly what they want and they don't beat about the bush. They want 'boudoir advice', the low-down on having affairs in the office, and they are keen to research whether bald men are better lovers.
Our colleagues in France must be too busy sampling the local lingua Franca as they have only added two threads to the relationship section. One on 'French men' (you've got to try them out for yourself apparently) and the other on long distance relationships.
And male expats in Germany are still searching for the perfect chat up line so there is no great problems with the locals to report yet. Their time will come.
Perhaps it won't be so bad. Many interviewees did admit to marrying their Dutch partner and living happily ever after.
From comments taken from the Expatica forums in July 2002. But has it changed much ? Read the latest reactions to this article.
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